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Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Thorns Which Reveal His Face

I was at 4th grade science camp, and living in the horse barn was a litter of kittens. We didn't expect him to, but when we called my dad at work to ask if we could take one home, by some miracle, he said yes. The kitten we picked was white with big blue eyes. Sapphire was just the name for her. Over the years we made so many memories--good and not as good.

-sleeping on top of our dollhouse and sometimes climbing inside to stick her paws out the windows and catch our fingers
-ramming herself into my parents' window screen and break it to escape outside
-waiting in the garage for my dad to come home so she could slip outside
-after escaping, running to the dirt to roll in it
-snuggling up on my bed in her favorite blanket
-thinking pieces of black paper taped to the wall were bugs and jumping to get them
-rubbing herself against my hair
-laying down and refusing to move when we put her in a harness attached to a leash
-biting my dad on the chin because he tried to pet her when she was mad at another cat
-ignoring the toys we bought her and playing with pipe cleaners and ponytails instead
-scratching Elizabeth
-laying in the middle of my parents' bed like she was the queen
-licking the window screen or my backpack and waking me up
-basking in the sun
-throwing up whenever she got near Fortuna in the beginning
-running to us when she heard us tapping her brush
-the way she commanded respect from Fortuna
-finding her sleeping in the oddest places
-perking up when she heard us open a bag of treats
-meowing when she heard us come home from a vacation
-dashing from room to room
-the sound of her purr in my ear when I rested my head against her side

I write this not so much to share as to remember. While the pain of losing her hurts deeply, it's part of life--my life. That doesn't mean I have to like it, but it also doesn't mean I have to push it to some remote part of my mind. I don't want to forget. The good memories, the bad, the happiness, the grief, and feelings I didn't expect. I hate sadness, I hate death and the pain it brings. Yet it has drawn me closer to Jesus. As Sono Harris wrote, "These trials are simultaneously burdens God gives to keep [us] utterly dependent; and thorns which pin back the veil that hides His face. In a fallen world, they are gifts." While Sono is now seeing Him face to face, I long for the day He comes again as King Jesus and wipes away all sin and sadness!

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Unknown said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I love kitties very much. We just got one a few months ago and it is a joy : )